Bittersweet Thanksgiving

I am so thankful to God for all of the wonderful blessings he had given me. But this Thanksgiving is also bittersweet, as it is also Hannah's first birthday.

One year ago today my healing yet scarred heart was torn apart again as I learned another of our babies had died before birth. So much of the day was deja vu of what had happened just over a year earlier.

I don't want to dwell on the sadness and heartache, but I can't help remembering. And while I remember, I give thanks to the Lord that he did bless us with these two little girls who, while they were alive, I was able to cradle in my womb. I thank him that I was able to hold them in my arms, even though it was only their earthly bodies. I can no longer touch them, hold them, kiss them, but my love for them is still just as strong as if I could.

Remembering

Today, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I am remembering those babies who died before birth or while still infants. You are still loved and not forgotten, Grace, Hannah, Annie, Samuel, Zoe, Rain, Chloe, Caden, Abigail, Laela, Charis, Ethan, Heidi, Gracie, Josiah, Ephraim, and other nameless little ones.

(Day 286 of 365)

Two Years

Two years ago today was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life.

My midwife, the most wonderful midwife in the whole world, gave us this Precious Moment figurine in Grace's memory. Grace's name and birthdate are written on the bottom. (She gave us a matching one with Hannah's name and birthdate on the bottom, too.)

(Day 276 of 365)

I miss you everyday, but I'm especially missing you today on your 2nd birthday, dear daughter.

My Thoughts This Fall

I wrote about them HERE.

Rest In Peace

Today we buried Hannah's ashes under the gingko tree we planted in memory of Grace and her.

(Day 254 of 365)

There's no special reason that we did it today. Originally we had to wait til the weather warmed up in order to dig up the ground. Then it seemed we'd only remember to do it at times that didn't work. Both of our baby girls' remains are now laid to rest in the same place.

But your dead will live; their bodies will rise. You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy. Isaiah 26:19

Marriage Monday, Take 2

It's Marriage Monday again over at Chrysalis. This month's topic is, "Girl Talk: Mothers & Daughters Talk About Love". I'm going to loosely focus on the suggested question, "What are you teaching your daughter about love and marriage?"



Want this button?
My children are fairly young yet with the oldest only being 10, but I still try to insert little tidbits about love and marriage here and there in our conversations as the opportunities present themselves. If my daughters (and sons) remember nothing else as adults about what I've tried to teach them about marriage, I'd want them to know the importance of marrying a spouse who shares the same faith in God as they do and keeping the Lord foremost in their marriage.

This does not necessarily mean that they should marry a person who is the same denomination as they are (since a Catholic and a Lutheran could share more of the same beliefs than two Lutherans ... or two Catholics for that matter). What it does mean is that, when a person is dating another, they should talk about their beliefs and not shy away from them. Discover any differences. Talk about them. Are the differences merely in regard to religious tradition, or are they doctrinal? Can the differences be resolved, or will they be a stumbling block in a marriage?

Marry someone whose shared faith is as devout as yours. This encompasses not only things like how often you each attend church, but how deeply the other's faith is woven into his life. Faith affects a person's moral and ethical views and how he lives his everyday life and treats others.

There was a time when I was a teenager that I didn't think it mattered too much whether I married a person who shared my faith. In my naivete I thought I could just convert them before we married. But as I got a bit older and slightly wiser and thought about it some more, I knew that I wanted a husband who was strong in his faith. I realized that if he was just willing to convert to my faith, his foundation of faith wasn't anchored very strongly in the first place.

Josh and I have talked and expressed gratitude to each other many times over how blessed we are that God brought us together and that we do share the same faith. I honestly do no know how we would have gotten through the events of the past two years without holding the other up and encouraging each other without our shared faith in God and his eternal promises. Whether one of us is at a weak point and the other is strong, we are both clinging to our Father with white knuckles through tears, or we are celebrating an occasion with joy, we are joined in a marriage rooted in Christ. It is he who binds us together.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiates 4:12b

Make God the third and most important strand in the cord of your marriage.

Blessed Irony

I will soon be re-entering the workforce outside of our home. I just got a call today offering me the position of church secretary that I applied and interviewed for at our church! I'm really excited!

I'll be training with the current church secretary May 1-15 and completely assume the position on May 16. I won't be doing childcare in our home anymore. The hours are 5 hrs/dy, 5 dys/wk, and it's in the same building where our kids go to school.

Getting this job and going back into the "real" workforce (albeit part-time) is happening a bit earlier than we'd anticipated since we'd planned for me to wait til our youngest was in kdg or 1st grade, but so many things fell into place with this secretary position. And, of course, the irony is that if Hannah, or even Grace, was here, I wouldn't have even considered taking the job since they'd be so little. And to learn that I got this job on the day Hannah was due? His ways are certainly not our ways.

Rain ...

... on the window, in my heart, and down my cheeks.

(Day 116 of 365)

Checklist

• Redesign my weight loss blog ... DONE!


• Redisign my recipe blog ... DONE!


• Redesign the girls' memorial blog ... Not done.

I'm still debating whether or not to redo Forever in our Hearts because I really like the footprints background, but I'd like to have a matching header, so we'll see.

In the meantime go and check out the new looks on More Than Numbers and Star Recipes. I'd love to know what you think!

Day 52 of 365

Close up of roses from a friend

More Test Results and Out and About

On Thursday I heard back from my mw with the results of my blood work to test for clotting disorders. More about those results HERE.

Last night I had a girls' night out with some friends. We went to a very nice sports bar. I'm not a big drinker at all, but I had a hot scotch which was hot chocolate with butterscotch schnapps and whipped cream. Very good! It was so nice to get out of the house and have some fun conversation with adults.

E and J both had basketball games this morning. The girl's team tied, and the boys won. J even made a basket during his game!

Then we came home for a quick lunch before returning for E's second game. They won!

They boy's second game was cancelled, so they ended up playing a 2 quarter scrimmage against the girls. It ended in a tie.

E's basketball season is done now. J has one more game.

Endocrinology Test Results

I had my follow up appt with the endocrinologist yesterday. If interested, click HERE to read more.

My Life's Current Theme Song

Song and explanation HERE.

My Medical Update

My medical update is in a post on my Hearts blog.

Christmas At Our House

Josh gave me a beautiful glass etching he made.